Death By Pez

L. Ron Was A Shitty Pirate

2006-11-27T22:18:00.000-05:00

The following AIM convo between Katrina and myself was spawned out of me stumbling across an article about the "Psychiatry: An Industry of Death" museum opening.

KaoticTendencies: "Ribisi is an active Scientologist, and he participated in the gala opening of Scientology's controversial "Psychiatry: An Industry of Death" Museum in December 2005."
KaoticTendencies: I hate when I find out actors I like may be completely insane.

Camarilla7: Shit, have they always been Scientologists?

KaoticTendencies: It says his mom is, so I'm guessing yeah. Though how old is Scientology?
KaoticTendencies: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychiatry:_An_Industry_of_
KaoticTendencies: Dude.
KaoticTendencies: Like. . . dude.

Camarilla7: Scientology came out in the early 70's.
Camarilla7: I think.

KaoticTendencies: I love that they marketed the museum at the World Science Fiction convention.
KaoticTendencies: That should say it all really.

Camarilla7: Oh wait, he wrote Dianetics in the 50's.
Camarilla7: So the 50's. Scientologists are such toons.
Camarilla7: Though it gives me hope. If I write a fictionalized book about some fucked up religion I can totally be a religious icon in only 50 years.

KaoticTendencies: Ha.
KaoticTendencies: True.

Camarilla7: I mean, I don't even have to wait as long as Jesus.
Camarilla7: It just has to be way fucking out there.
Camarilla7: Though now that aliens are taken, I think my religion will say that we all came from the center of our earth. And that earthquakes are the elder's that still live near the core's way of calling to us. And in 2149 a giant earthquake will cause a shift of plates that will drain part of the Pacific and allow the chosen ones to climb back down to the Elderland.
Camarilla7: That's way good, I'm totally going to be a religious icon.
Camarilla7: Now I just need to come up with a doctrine and all that shit.
Camarilla7: And make it look old, and say I found it when I'm writing my novel.

KaoticTendencies: Awesome.

Camarilla7: Kind of like Lovecraft writing the Necronomicon, but with less cthulu.

KaoticTendencies: Can I be your Grand Poobah or whatever?

Camarilla7: Totally.
Camarilla7: We will co-author it so we can both be icons.

KaoticTendencies: I'm on the Scientologist website.
KaoticTendencies: http://www.scientology.org/en_US/religion/presentation/p
KaoticTendencies: I like the picture models.
KaoticTendencies: Especially his sad panda face.
KaoticTendencies: "A civilization without insanity, without criminals and without war, where the able can prosper and honest beings can have rights, and where man is free to rise to greater heights, are the aims of Scientology."

Camarilla7: Wow, I didn't think I'd ever see a religion site worse than Kirk Cameron's. This one totally beats it though.

KaoticTendencies: "We will never betray your faith in us so long as you are one of us."
KaoticTendencies: Creeeeepy.
KaoticTendencies: "The sun never sets on Scientology."

Camarilla7: Hahaha.

KaoticTendencies: The shit they have on Hubbard is fucking rediculous.
KaoticTendencies: He revolutionized drug rehab doncha know.
KaoticTendencies: "He found success writing pulp/science fiction, but as he declared in the late 1940s: "Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man really wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start his own religion."" (This quote was taken from "Operation Clambake" an anti Church of Scientology site)
KaoticTendencies: Ha.

Camarilla7: He admitted he was a quack and they don't care.
Camarilla7: People amaze me.

KaoticTendencies: "In mid-1967 Hubbard bought three ships and put to sea with a small cadre of followers. Styling himself "the Commodore," he spent the next several years wandering the Atlantic, pursued by imaginary Reds and Nazis and attended by "Commodore’s Messengers," teenaged girls dressed in white hot pants who waited on him hand and foot, bathing and dressing him and even catching the ash from his cigarettes. He had frequent screaming tantrums and instituted brutal punishments such as incarceration in the ship’s filthy chain-locker for days or weeks at a time and "overboarding," in which errant crew members were blindfolded, bound and thrown overboard, dropping up to 40 ft. into the cold sea and hoping not to hit the side of the ship with its razor-sharp barnacles on the way down. These punishments applied to children as well as to adults."(This quote was taken from "Operation Clambake" an anti Church of Scientology site)
KaoticTendencies: I don't know how accurate that is, but from what I understand he was one hell of a bigoted asshole.

Camarilla7: See dude, that could be us!
Camarilla7: We could make underage chicks wait on us, spend all our time on ships in the ocean, and be assholes!
Camarilla7: Forming our own religion will allow us to be pirates!
Camarilla7: Just like L Ron Hubbard.

KaoticTendencies: But with way better hair.

Hollywood Rehash

2005-05-16T03:00:00.000-04:00

Remakes are being made/released of The Dark Crystal and Willy Wonka.

As Mumbles put it, "They should make an emoticon for raping my childhood."

I'm still going to see them. I hope to god they don't suck. And if they try to remake The Labrynth I may be forced to commit violent acts.

Just letting you know.

All My Best Friends Are Metal Heads

2005-04-30T02:28:00.000-04:00

KaoticTendencies (2:26:07 AM): Anyhow, he's doing good, and I'm going home tomorrow.
KaoticTendencies (2:26:19 AM): So that's about the sum of it.

MY666RUINER (2:27:11 AM): Back to the grind already eh?

KaoticTendencies (2:27:28 AM): Pretty much.
KaoticTendencies (2:27:46 AM): Though, by the time I get back into the city the shift I was suppose to have worked will be over.
KaoticTendencies (2:27:54 AM): And I'm scheduled to be off on Sunday.
KaoticTendencies (2:28:10 AM): I think I may go to my boss' show though.

MY666RUINER (2:28:17 AM): Whoa.
MY666RUINER (2:28:30 AM): Spending day off time with the boss?

KaoticTendencies (2:28:37 AM): Two of 'em probably.
KaoticTendencies (2:28:43 AM): And a couple co-workers.

MY666RUINER (2:29:14 AM): ....
MY666RUINER (2:29:24 AM): How very punk of you.
MY666RUINER (2:29:29 AM): Hangin' out with the man.
MY666RUINER (2:29:39 AM): Way to go.

KaoticTendencies (2:29:42 AM): Thanks.

MY666RUINER (2:31:38 AM): You don't deserve your safety pins.
MY666RUINER (2:31:44 AM): Take them all off.

KaoticTendencies (2:32:08 AM): Do I have to lose the lip ring too?

MY666RUINER (2:32:20 AM): Yes
MY666RUINER (2:32:26 AM): And dye your hair to its natural color.

KaoticTendencies (2:32:58 AM): Aw.

Sometimes My Life Is Funny.

2005-04-19T19:26:00.000-04:00

I work in a comic book store. But then if you're reading this, you probably know that bit.

Anyhow. . .

In said comic book store we have a display window currently dedicated to Star Wars Episode III, in preparation for it's theater release in May. It contains various toys and books and what not.

The other night I'm working register. A group of young guys (mid 20's I'm guessing) come into the store. Nice group, joke amongst themselves make some purchases, politely thank me after I've rung them up and leave.

In less than a minute they come back into the store. One of them comes straight up to me at the register, looks me square in the eyes and with a seriosness reserved for the most dire of situations says;

"I need a light saber."

Sometimes, I love my job.

Say Hello to America's Future

2005-03-07T23:42:00.000-05:00

Kat says: I need to buy a set of tumblers.
Kat says: 'Cause the glass I'm drinking my vodka tonic out of is ridiculous.

Camarilla says: Hah.

Kat says: Seriously.
Kat says: And I need some martini glasses.
Kat says: And a shaker.
Kat says: Basically, I need a home alcoholics kit.

Camarilla says: Hah.
Camarilla says: I have one.
Camarilla says: It's in my car.

It's Happened

2005-03-07T02:52:00.000-05:00

I've run out of music.

Every CD I own sucks right now.

I need something new, anyone know where I can find it?

I'm guessing no.

Hey You

2005-03-03T23:52:00.000-05:00

Yeah you. The one sitting behind me in the theater. The one that can't discern the difference between a public theater and their living room. The one that won't bloody shut up.

Please do me this single favor and burst into flame.

Do it quietly.

A Note to Men Everywhere

2005-03-02T22:50:00.000-05:00

You should never have long nails. For the love of god, trim you're fucking nails.

There's a number of men who come into the store, and when they hand me their bags I see their long ass grody finger nails. It's creepy, and it's gross.

Please stop it.

Thank you.

Convo with the Asshat from Happy, TX*

2005-02-26T23:14:00.000-05:00

This conversation is about the new pic for my myspace.com profile. It's my best (or half assed) attempt of an Upchuck impersonation, Upchuck being the Asshat from Happy, TX.

Darek Funreal says: Your main pic now is the smirk?
Darek Funreal says: Where's the rest of your head?

Kat says: Yeah.
Kat says: It's a shit crop.
Kat says: I'm too lazy to try to re shoot it.

Darek Funreal says: Do it, do it.
Darek Funreal says: You gotta be looking at your own brain to pull it off though.
Darek Funreal says: See, the way you come off in that pic is more like a devious Katie Holmes.
Darek Funreal says: With that half smirk thing.

Kat says: Yeah, it's not angry Jesus lookin' enough to be you.

Darek Funreal says: Long hair does not equal Jesus, damnit!

Kat says: No, but when you look like Jesus the long hair doesn't exactly take away from the Jesus-ness.

Darek Funreal says: Jesus is/was/would have been an arab.

Kat says: Not according to the 5 billion portraits of him my grandparents had in there house.

Darek Funreal says: Yeah, I have that problem also.

Kat says: Seriously, bloody Jesus with the crown of thorns watching over you when your trying to sleep.
Kat says: What makes people think thats a good idea?

*This was posted mostly for Katrina's amusement for when she finally comes online. No one else will fully understand the funny.

Damnit

2005-02-25T20:21:00.000-05:00

I lent Das Moofin my Ramones album, now that's all I want to listen to.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck.

We're Bad People

2005-02-23T22:17:00.000-05:00

We steal garbage bags...

...from old people.

Don't Do Drugs, You'll Sound Like A Jackass

2005-02-22T01:08:00.000-05:00

One of the Kat's indulged in some lung candy. Can you tell which?

KaoticTendencies: ha
KaoticTendencies: you're smitten

Camarilla7: I can't help it
Camarilla7: being cute to children is just not fair
Camarilla7: it's like cheating or something
Camarilla7: cause no matter how much you hate kids seeing a dude be a sweetheart hardcore to them still pulls on heart strings

KaoticTendencies: ha
KaoticTendencies: smitten

Camarilla7: shhhh

KaoticTendencies: you are
KaoticTendencies: smitten
KaoticTendencies: smitten smitten smitten
KaoticTendencies: ...
KaoticTendencies: I like that word
KaoticTendencies: like, it's ALMOST mitten

Camarilla7: hah

KaoticTendencies: but s'not

Accidental Rascism

2005-02-16T04:02:00.000-05:00

I had work today.

One of my managers asked me to take down the current display in the front window in order to put up a new one in honor of black history month.

I was able to pull everything from the old display save 2 large statues that we have little room in which to display elsewhere in the store. I ran upstairs to tell my manager this. He says not to worry about them.

Cool.

Well, it was until I went back downtairs. As I'm standing there looking at the window estimating about how many books I should grab for the new display, it dawns on me.

I turned to Pedro, one of my coworkers who happens to be standing nearby;

"Okay, maybe I'm being overly sensitive, but I'm guessing it's not the best idea to leave the Planet of the Apes statue in the black history month display."

After he stopped laughing, he agreed.

The statue's been boxed up until we find a new home to display it.

Flypaper for Freaks

2005-02-13T23:50:00.000-05:00

I'm flypaper for freaks.

It's sad, but it's true.

Here's one of many examples. Happened a few days ago.

I was on my break from work. Most days during my breaks I buy myself something to drink (usually a Fuze) put on my headphones and just walk. No real aim, no real point, just blasting some music and getting lost in my head.

This was one of those breaks. I was enjoying myself immensly, drowning out the sounds of the city with some New York Dolls on full blast, when I noticed an older gentleman, had to be AT LEAST in his 40's, which makes the following conversation that much more bothersome and weird (remember, I'm 21 and look about as much) trying to get my attention. So I take off my headphones and the following exchange takes place;

Weirdo: "I'm sorry, I just noticed you have a lip ring and was wondering if you could recommend a place in the city that I could get my tongue pierced at."

Me: "Yeah sure, there's this place downtown called Andromeda... "

Weirdo: "Oh yeah! I heard there were some good places downtown. See, it's my birthday and I really just want to get my tongue pierced. So I'm looking for a place. Uh, what are you doing right now?"

Me: o O (Oh fuck.) "Um, actually, I'm just heading back to work, I should really get going."

Weirdo: "Oh you're on lunch break? How about this, what if I buy you lunch? Can I buy you lunch?"

Me:"Uh, no, no thank you sir, my breaks almost over, I really have to be getting back."

Weirdo: "Oh, so you work around here? What do you do?"

Me: "I'm a sales clerk."

Weirdo: "What do you sell, like, clothes?"

Me: "Uh, no, I work at an electronics place." (I work in a comic book store.)

Weirdo:"Oh, do you make comissions when you sell things? Like, if I buy something from you will you get money, cause it's my birthday, and I have money."

Me: "No, sir, I don't. I really have to go..."

Weirdo: "Well, what if after your done with work, if I give you a 100 dollars, will you take me downtown to get my tongue pierced? Cause, I'll pay you 100 dollars if you come with me."

Me: *blank stare* "I'm have to go NOW, sir." o O (Please don't follow me, please don't follow me.)

And people wonder why I'm anti social.

The Rise and Fall of Skippy the Subway Russian

2004-12-06T21:39:00.000-05:00

First. It's bloody cold. I hate when it's bloody cold, because it makes me type like I'm bloody english.

Anyhow . . .

Das Moofin needed paper for her class. Why she hadn't gotten it yet, I don't know. But since she needs to have this project done in 2 days, I have to go fetch it for her because now her schedule doesn't permit her to get it herself.

I am fighting off a cold, have an annoying chronic cough and am on the rag.

I am not the nicest person to be dealing with at the moment. You'd probably get more understanding and care from an ebola ridden gibbon monkey than me right now.

But, begrudgingly, I agree to go into the freezing rain and get her stupid paper.

If only I had known then the adventure that lay before me.

I get on the subway around 4ish. It's not really crowded but still full, I have a seat and that's all I care about.

At the Lex Avenue stop the crazy guy either gets on or starts to make himself known. For scientific purposes we shall refer to the crazy as "Skippy".

Skippy doesn't look like a homeless crazy. More like a "gee, someone took some bad drugs" kind of crazy. Relatively well dressed, big fro, and appears to be of some sort of mixed ethnicity. This becomes relevant in a second.

I don't know who he was talking to. I couldn't see all that well, and quite frankly when someone starts randomly yelling things your best bet is to avoid eye contact at all costs. But he yells out some random name and then starts going off on this mumbling rant that I couldn't understand at all.

By the 57th St. stop I start to get the impression that Skippy has some "ethnicity issues". Namely, he starts lecturing some asian people sitting near him that he's not a chink, and then something about his cousin, and then goes back to proclaiming very loudly that he is NOT a chink OR a nigger.

Yes I know what you're thinking, Skippy is obviously a very charming man.

Between 49th St. and Times Square things get really exciting. It's about this time that he starts yelling "I'm fucking Russian!! You know what that means?! I'M FUCKING RUSSIAN AND PROUD!!"

But who wouldn't be? If I were Russian, I'd be proud.

Okay not really. But I digress.

Skippy must have sensed that he was losing his audience, and wisely tried to instigate some crowd participation.

"If you're Russian put your fucking hands up!"

Shockingly, no one put their hands up.

It was at this point that Skippy must have realized his long sought career in show bussiness was sure to fail if he could not catch the attention of a mere group of subway patrons.

So, in a fit of obvious frustration at his inevitable failure, he started slamming his fist against the window as hard as he could. The rest of the subway patrons took this as their cue to get as far away from Skippy as humanly possible while the train was still in motion.

The whole incident ended with Skippy being hog tied (or "restrained") by the cops at the 34th St. stop.

So, in retrospect, I guess I don't have it so bad.

Now let's all have a moment of silence for Skippy the Subway Russian.

Jesus is within us all.

2004-11-16T23:28:00.000-05:00

At least if these guys have any say in it, he will be.

Now where are we, and why are we in this handbasket?

You Down With ONJ? *

2004-11-15T02:15:00.000-05:00

Camarilla7: I have that olivia newton john "I love you, I honestly love you." song stuck in my head

KaoticTendencies: it's cause you're evil

Camarilla7: I totally am not evil

KaoticTendencies: stuff like that only happens to evil people
KaoticTendencies: it's gods way of telling you you're evil

Camarilla7: hah
Camarilla7: but Jesus loves me
Camarilla7: this I know
Camarilla7: for the bible tells me so

KaoticTendencies: sometimes fathers and sons disagree

Camarilla7: oh, damn, I always forget that jesus and god are different folk

KaoticTendencies: you're like the chick in the movie the parents tell all the innocent jesus types to stay away from

Camarilla7: why? Because I sometimes swear, smoke, like vodka and beer religiously, and have sex?
Camarilla7: by sometimes I mean most of the time, of course

KaoticTendencies: every other day really
KaoticTendencies: and that's when it's slow

Camarilla7: quite true

KaoticTendencies: and yes

Camarilla7: though the swearing and smoking happen almost every minute really

KaoticTendencies: that's why god hates you
KaoticTendencies: and you're evil
KaoticTendencies: and why Oliva Newton John songs randomly get stuck in your head
KaoticTendencies: it's the price you pay
KaoticTendencies: for being so evil

Camarilla7: Is ONJ, as I like to call her, evil?
Camarilla7: how can the grease chick be evil?

KaoticTendencies: she's the anti-christ
KaoticTendencies: it's all the pleather

Camarilla7: I wear pleather

KaoticTendencies: see

Camarilla7: damn

KaoticTendencies: evil
KaoticTendencies: you and ONJ are as one
KaoticTendencies: one and evil

Camarilla7: Dude, I'm ONJ?

KaoticTendencies: no, you're just one with her
KaoticTendencies: in your evilness

Camarilla7: oh

KaoticTendencies: you're not actually her
KaoticTendencies: that would be silly

*Edited for optimum funny. And my asshat typos.

Go figure.

2004-11-03T22:56:00.000-05:00

I go and make a post election joke, and then go and read Dan's blog and feel like a shmuck.

Such is my life.

Nonetheless, he is a wise one he is.

PSA = Public Service Announcement (FYI Chuck, you jackass)

2004-11-03T22:38:00.000-05:00

Chuck is also an asshat.

That is all.

PS - FYI = For Your Information (Chuck, you jackass.)

Oh, and PS = Post Script

PSA

2004-11-03T22:20:00.000-05:00

Chuck is lame.

That is all.

PS - Bush has been elected for a second term. I'm heading to Canada to wait out the next 4 years. Whose coming with me?

I'm Not Dead Yet!

2004-10-18T23:49:00.000-04:00

I have found employment!

Well, sort of.

I mean, I'm employed, but I didn't really find it so much as Das Moofin hooked me up with it. I'm now a slave to a comic store (the one she's been working at for the past 2 years) selling comics I know nothing about to the nerdy masses.

It's a rather amusing job thus far. And I have yet to meet another employee that I don't like. They're all uber cool and nice.

So, aside from the achey feet and legs (God I can't wait til I build up a bit of resistance to that) it's a spiff job.

Apparently I almost made my mum pee with laughter after my last entry. Good to know the wreckage that is our apartment is good for a good belly laugh if nothing else.

Actually, things are much better on that front. TV's back and working, the toilet is fixed (Thank GOD. That was so many kinds of annoying.) and the phone is sort of fixed . . . in the sense that we have a land line up and working, but we can only use the phone jack that directly connects to the line outside and none of the others. Which means we can only have one phone and it HAS to be in my room. Though I think we may fix that by buying a long ass cord so we can have it in the media room once my bed's moved in there and it really is my room.

So obviously Chanda has officially moved out. That went smoothly. Least I'm fairly certain it did. She seemed to be in a good place about things, and aside from the walls coming in around us while redecorating, so are Das Moofin and I. So yay on that front.

One other somewhat scary thing, which I may be able to completely avoid. Apparently my dad and all his siblings are getting together at my aunt's Halloween weekend.

Now, I would love to see my dad. I do miss him lots, as annoying and rediculous as he can be at times. Same goes for my aunts and uncles.

But lord, not all of them at once. Being surrounded by a large group of your family is kind of like being interrogated by the police. You just keep getting asked the same questions over and over again in an isolated area and you can't leave until they allow you to. Gyah.

But my Uncle Bob might stop by my work while he's in the city and we'll go have lunch or something. Which would be nice. My Uncle Bob is spiff, and it's bee forever and a day since I've seen him.

Anyhow, that's the exciting life of me. I'm sure you're all so thrilled by it. I'm getting my hair cut and dyed tomorrow. Might post pics if I'm in the right mood. Most likely not though. So I wouldn't go holding your breath. (Unless you're the wife, in which case, you will most likely be badgered by them tomorrow)

Ta for now.

Fear and Loathing in New York

2004-09-19T02:16:00.000-04:00

Long story short. I'm now in NYC looking for employment. Whilst doing so, I spend my free time fixing up the apartment. Cleaning, painting and rearranging furniture mostly.

Unfortunately it seems the apartment is rejecting it's face lift.

In the past two days the new tv broke, the phone stopped working and the toilet has started acting wonky. This, of course, is in addition to the already crap wiring and shit windows that keep no heat in the place.

I fear come winter we are going to freeze to death, surrounded by our own excrement with no entertainment and communication to the outside world.

Or, we'll go up in an electrical fire.

Betting starts now.

Belief O' Matic

2004-09-03T01:49:00.000-04:00

You can seriously find anything on the internet. You can take this test and find out where you fit in amongst the religous fanatics in the world. Hurrah!

Here are my results:

1. Secular Humanism (100%)
2. Unitarian Universalism (99%)
3. Liberal Quakers (89%)
4. Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (86%)
5. Nontheist (72%)
6. Theravada Buddhism (72%)
7. Neo-Pagan (65%)
8. Bahá'í Faith (56%)
9. New Age (55%)
10. Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (54%)
11. Reform Judaism (52%)
12. Taoism (52%)
13. Mahayana Buddhism (46%)
14. New Thought (45%)
15. Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (42%)
16. Orthodox Quaker (41%)
17. Scientology (41%)
18. Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (36%)
19. Jainism (34%)
20. Sikhism (34%)
21. Jehovah's Witness (31%)
22. Islam (23%)
23. Orthodox Judaism (23%)
24. Hinduism (21%)
25. Seventh Day Adventist (19%)
26. Eastern Orthodox (14%)
27. Roman Catholic (14%)

For those of you not in the know, like many kids from an Irish family, I was raised Catholic. I went to church, CCD classes, the works, ever since I was a wee one.

I guess it didn't take. Go figure.

And She's Outta Here

2004-09-02T23:25:00.000-04:00

I took Kat off the blog.

Mostly because she's never posted, only commented.

Which she can have a account for, just the commenting.

That, and the likelyhood of her starting to post once she starts school, is even less likely than what it is now, and she's moving back to campus come Sunday.

Oh, and I'm greedy and want my own damn blog again. :)

Soooo, yeah. I still love her though. Hopefully when she awakens to a notification e-mail from Blogger informing her that the administrator (me) booted her ass she won't disown me.

Here's to an idea that was started and never really went anywhere.

Without A Paddle

2004-08-27T01:12:00.000-04:00

Saw it tonight with Katrina. All I have to say, is it's worth seeing for this joke alone:

Seth, Matt and Dax are lost in the woods with no gear and start hearing music.

Matt:Hey wait, listen. You hear that?

Seth:Yeah . . .yeah! It sounds like . . . like Creed.

Dax:Oh god. I never thought I'd be happy to hear something that sounds like Creed.

Whoever wrote that joke, I fucking love you.

Ain't that the Truth

2004-08-23T20:55:00.000-04:00

"What type of attitude problem do you have?"
Your Mean
You just say whatever you want without thinking about how it will make the other person feel. You've probably said every mean thing possible so how about you try this....

Road Trip!

2004-08-23T12:08:00.000-04:00

Breakdown of me and Kat's trip to Mass.

- Kat picks me up 45 minutes late, which in "Kat Time" is actually only 10 minutes late. (If you know her, you automatically tack on about 30 minutes to the decided time of departure). She has an ear ache and fears head explodey.

- We stop for necessities of coffee and pain killers. Kat decides to call Jeremy because he is not aware of "Kat Time" and we're running uberly late at this point.

- On the road Kat and I see a blimp advertising Carb Counters. If you don't understand why that's funny, I don't want to talk to you.

- We arrive at Jeremy's place, then do the standard "Okay, what the fuck do we do now?" convo. We discover we are all indecisive fuckwits. The sky opens up so god can piss on our day.

- Wander around Northampton and get soaked. Have delicious drinks at some funky coffe joint, and see Susan Powter. Kat and I contemplate yelling, "Stop the insanity!!". Jeremy just looks frightened.

- See AVP at a movie theater that charges 5 fucking bucks!! That is INSANE! AVP = funniest shit I've seen in a long time.

- Go to video game store. I make a crass joke about a Mary Kate and Ashley video game. Kat nearly disowns me, and Jeremy gives a look which could have been, "Yeah, that's funny" or, "Yeah, you're a crass bitch". Not sure. I think it hinges on wether or not he has a secret shrine to the Olsen twins hidden in his room.

- Eat at a Chilli's that thinks it's fun to torture it's patrons with bad 80's music, buy booze, go back to Jeremy's place.

- Look at Jeremy's pet rats. Bloody cute. Start getting progressivly drunker. Kat begins engaging in Kat like drunk activities, mostly involving the biting of Jeremy and I (way more Jeremy than me). After staying up all night engaging in drunkard talk, we finally decide to sleep close to 5am.

- I'm woken up 30 minutes later by Kat. She's trying to make out with my elbow. Probably due to it's uncanny resemblance to Jeremy's face.

- I wake up at 6:15, nearly falling off the mattress and freezing to death from having no cover. I secretly hate the other two bed hogs, and after 15 minutes of no sleepy (and being passive aggressive and not just ripping the covers from them both), decide to just get up.

- Spend time while the bed hogs slept reading Douglas Adam's book Jeremy purchased the previous day and contemplating evil things only I would find funny. Thank god no one can read minds.

- Going on 11am and the bed hogs are still sleeping. Jeremy chases squirrel's in his sleep in between periods of snoring a snore that would put my father to shame (that, is saying a lot). I contemplate elfing them both, or throwing small peices of paper at them.

- Noon. I finally decide they are worthy of no more sleep and start poking Kat. She sleeps like the dead and takes 10 minutes of poking to get her to wake up.

- Sit around for several hours talking about many amusing things. Jeremy gives me a pair of ring closures (kickass!) in the event that my bead pops out of my lip ring again.

- Finally decide we should leave. I start feeling like death warmed over during the drive home and secretly wish violent doomy plague upon all happy people in the world.

- Home. Sleep. Good.

Fun trip overall. It was cool meeting Jeremy, very spiff guy. Still not sure if he thinks I'm funny or just crass. Meh.

I now smell of cigarette smoke and funk and have a bruise on my arm where Kat bit me. She's a vicious drunk, she is. I must shower and do some work.

Random Facts

2004-08-21T10:46:00.000-04:00

I'm sitting in my living room, chatting with a friend on AIM, all while waiting for Kat to come pick me up so we can go to Northampton, Mass.

She was suppose to be here at 10, it's now 10:46.

I just showered and I smell fantastic.

That is all.

Kat & Kat: A Very Special Episode*

2004-08-20T04:23:00.000-04:00

KaoticTendencies (4:09:23 AM): Delicious mashed potatoeness.
Camarilla7 (4:09:28 AM): Hah.
KaoticTendencies (4:09:40 AM): I hope you know I say it mash - ed.
Camarilla7 (4:09:58 AM): Awww, so cute.
KaoticTendencies (4:10:06 AM): No! I am not cute!
Camarilla7 (4:10:11 AM): Yes! You're totally cute, get over it.
KaoticTendencies (4:10:19 AM): No!
Camarilla7 (4:10:25 AM): Yes!
KaoticTendencies (4:10:51 AM): I am pure eviiiiiilllll!! Evil cannot be cute. Period.
Camarilla7 (4:11:05 AM): Evil totally can be cute.
KaoticTendencies (4:11:16 AM): Not my kind of evil.
Camarilla7 (4:13:01 AM): You're acting oh so goth.
KaoticTendencies (4:13:31 AM): That's worse than saying I'm cute!
KaoticTendencies (4:13:34 AM): How dare you!
KaoticTendencies (4:14:42 AM): I seriously think we're going to have to seperate for a while after that and rethink this marriage of ours.
Camarilla7 (4:14:54 AM): I was totally joking.
Camarilla7 (4:15:06 AM): I can't live without you!
KaoticTendencies (4:15:24 AM): But...but you called me GOTH!
KaoticTendencies (4:15:54 AM): A CUTE goth!!!
KaoticTendencies (4:16:09 AM): I just don't know you anymore!
Camarilla7 (4:17:30 AM): You're just using this as an excuse for divorce.
Camarilla7 (4:20:15 AM): You totally aren't goth, and you aren't cute. You're the most hardcore evily kickass chick ever.
KaoticTendencies (4:20:35 AM): See, that's all you had to say.
KaoticTendencies (4:20:39 AM): I love you too.
KaoticTendencies (4:20:42 AM): Squee!
KaoticTendencies (4:20:51 AM): Fuck. That was cute.

*Note: The previous AIM chat was edited for optimum funny.

Blog Update

2004-08-18T07:39:00.000-04:00

Some of you may notice that this blog now has two "contributers", rather than just little ol' me. The new contributer is my dear friend Miss Kat aka RainbowBrite Superstar.

I decided to share my little nook on the web with her, mostly because I wanted her to join the blogging community, but she was too damn lazy to make her own damn blog.

So, she will be contributing here until I decide to kick her lazy ass out. Or until school swallows us both whole, and we completely forget about blogging all together. Whichever happens first.

Early Morning Law Suits

2004-08-18T06:55:00.000-04:00

Kat has some interesting friends. One of which I had a great deal of fun with.

(K_T): Vaginal Tolerance, that's so my new band.
(Jack_Deth): That's copyrighted also.
(K_T): Show me the paperwork, bitch.

And so the file swapping wars began.

To:K_T From:Jack_Deth Inc.

Paperwork for copywrite submission by Jack_Deth as of 8/18/04 the following phrase(s) are copywritten by Jack_Deth, they are not limited to and include the following:"...to the D&D"&"Vaginal Tolerance"(in any form, spelling and or context or syntax.(C)

2004Jack_Deth Industries

To:Jack_Deth Inc. From: K_T

Dear Mr. Jack_Deth,

On behalf of our client, Kaotic Tendencies, we would like to respond to your recent claims of copyrights to the phrases of "The D&D" and "Vaginal Tolerance" (in all forms, spellings and or context or syntax) as completely fraudulant.

On behalf of our client, we spit on your internet paperwork, you're claims, and Texas because it is officially the Suckfest State.

Any further claims of copyrights to any phrases our client deems as her property will find you guilty of Asshattery of the 3rd Degree, and our client will be forced to lay the smack down on your ass.

Regards,
The Offices of Vaginal Tolerance and D&D

To:Jack_Deth Inc. From: K_T

Dear Mr. Jack_Deth,

It has also come to our attention, that during our response to your claims in your letter to our client, you were in violation of copyright usage for phrases created and published by our client, Kaotic Tendencies, hereby finding you guilty of Hypocritical Asshattery of the 1st Degree.

The phrases(in all forms, spellings and or context or syntax) in question are:

a.) Face eater
b.) Doom Hedgehog

Please cease and desist in all usage of the aforementioned phrases, and write a Letter of Ass Kissing and Apology to our client, Kaotic Tendencies, ASAP.

Regards,
The Offices of Vaginal Tolerance and D&D

To:K_T From:Jack_Deth Inc.

"PRESS RELEASE TO THE GENERAL PUBLIC OF EVERYWHERE, CONCERNING THE USAGE AND COPYWRITE LAWS OF PHRASES AND OR ACRONYMINUMS"

December, 1983

To all parties with interest, or future interest in the the following shapes, letters, forms, syntaxes, contexts, and language specific debacle of the questionable ownership and privilliges thereof:As of todays date, the following, "...D&amp;amp;amp;amp;amp;D"; & "Vaginal Tolerance"from this point on to be know as "DD-VT" is to be protected with underwritten law, in the state of all of them. "DD-VT" shall from this point and forever more be under the sanction and dictatorship of J. Deth Industries and all affiliates, subordinates and double jeopardy categories known as "This is mine, you thief".

As of each individual human birth from 12:00am, of the first day, of the next year, said birth will be in itself to include the acceptance of the following clause of of the laws concering the laws and rules of something. an excerpt:; "...To be born means that all these laws apply to you, because in being so(born) you made a a non-rescending choice to apply what "company" says are "the rules". Any attempt to nullify, or even question will be in breach of said implied contract under contract law, written by "company" and therefore applies to all, from said mooment of application.

Also, in addition to said laws concerning copywrite laws and ownership capabilities, it should be know that should further questioning of validity form this point on occur, J. Deth Industries shall be honored with and assumed to be in "the right", and said 'questioner', summarilly executed.Please take notice that any inquiries concerning this press release of contained contents occur, in any time of past, present, or history, or while said document(this one) is being created; shall be ignored and considered false until the date of 2084 for a slight hint of irony, and things.

The offices of Weare R. ight & Youare W. Ong & Sons
1204 S. giveup lane
Iknowitsgayhere, Tx.79011112

To: Jack_Deth Inc From: K_T

Dear Mr. Jack_Deth,

Our offices have recently recieved your press release on the matters of the copyrights of phrases now known as "DD-VT", and our client would like to know what you've been smoking, and could she have some? Because it is clear to our client, Kaotic Tendencies, that you must have been high to come up with that incredible pile of bullshit law, which obviously doesn't exist, and which you surely pulled forth from the cavernous recesses of your ass.

Regards,
The Offices of Vaginal Tolerance and D&D

P.S. - Gay or not, "Face eater" is still our phrase.
P.P.S. - Our client is waiting for her Letter of Ass Kissing and Apology. Bitch.

To:K_T From:Jack_Deth Inc.

TO: ENTITY(S) KNOWN AS "LAWYERS OF KAOTIC TENDENCIES" AND/OR THE OFFICES OF VAGINAL TOLERANCE AND D&D" AS WELL AS INVOLVED PARTIESFROM: THE NEW LAWYERS OF J. DETH INDUSTRIES

It has come to our attention that a "KAOTIC TENDENCIES" has filed charges against our client/employer, A J. DETH INDUSTRIES. This notice is to server notice of US Disregarding YOU and YOUR pithy CLAIMS of infringement. YOU are just some HIPPY, and we DISLIKE HIPPIES. Especially those who live near/on/around trees.

Furthermore, We will be filling injunction of restraint to your "OFFICES", because we do not wish for further harassment, by said "OFFICES". If OUR offices couldnt not handle any given situation, your HIPPY offices certainly contain no threat.Not only do we claim "...D&D" and "VAGINAL TOLERANCE", AND "DOOM HEDGEHOG & FACE EATER" but at this time we are issuing a severe threat, based on code .3342-2h of the federal negotiation code persuant of the seventh phrase, including the following:

YOU, ENTITY(S), AGREE TO CEASE YOUR CLAIMS AND 'REGARDS' TOWARD US(JDINC) OR WE WILL BEGIN A STRATEGIC DEATH CAMPAIGN AGAINST YOU BEGINNING WITH THE TAKING HOSTAGE OF YOUR WIFE AND SLASHING OF YOUR TIRES. IF WE DO NOT HEAR BACK FROM YOU WITH 24 MINUTES OF NOTICE. WE WILL INSTITUDE SHOCK AND AWE AGAINST YOU AND POOP IN YOU MAILBOX AS FAIR WARNING OF IMPENDING DOOM(NOT HEDGEHOG). FIREWORKS WILL APPLY. YOU HAVE 17 MORE MINUTES.YOU HAVE BEEN INFORMED. WE'RE WATCHING YOU. YOU WILL DIE. 15 MORE MINUTES.

To: Jack_Deth Inc. From: K_T

Dear Mr. Jack_Deth,

Our offices have recently recieved your "threat" to our client, Kaotic Tendencies. Firstly, we stand by our claims and requests as specified in our previous letters.

Secondly, our client, not only is NOT a hippie, but in fact despises them. We find your claims to be slanderous and will be filing suit against you on those grounds as well.Our client, is in fact, a pure blooded Irish bitch, who will cut off your fucking head, place it on the bar, then sit down and finish her goddamn drink. She does not need to use caps lock to sound intimidating. She knows she can kick your redneck Texas ass to hell and back again.

Finally, we don't know what kind of pansy ass operation you people are running, but we, for one, do not run around threatening the families of the Waste of Semen we have our conflict with. That's something a dirty hippy would do.

Regards,The Offices of Vaginal Tolerance and D&D

PS - Just try me, bitch.

To:K_T From:Jack_Deth Inc.

Dear sir/ma'am/entity

Ok, Ok, That was just wrong. I trying to solve this in a civil manner, but nooo you had ot make it personal... firstly I am not redneck. I am not even from texas, I just live here for tax evasion reasons...I dont really have lawyers or 'offices', I thought I cought defeat you with a 'law for dummies' book... isnt that what real lawyers do anyway? Yes, Yes, the hippy thing was rude, but a feeble last attempt at destroying your contempt. Pure Blooded Irish bitch eh? what are you doing later? heh heh. Anyway, This is not an applogy, just a FINAL STATEMENT OF PROOF of ownership of "DD-VT". I invented it, just ask Tim.

-J. Deth

To:Jack_Deth From:K_T

Dear Jack_Deth,

I accept your apology. Cause that was so totally an apology. And the only Tim I know is a 6'2" nerd from the East Village. He'll most likely side with me.

K_T

I would just like to add, I have no idea how tall Tim is and after writing that I'm pretty sure he doesn't live in the village but in fact one of the burrows. Queens sounds right.

Also, for fear of wrath from certain people I know who are also from TX (though I don't think they know I have this blog), I didn't mean it. It's a fine state. So long as I don't have to be in it.

Oh, and Chuck, you're officially one of my new favorite people. So don't go fucking it up by pissing me off.

Ta,
K_T

The Wide World of Blogs

2004-08-18T02:52:00.000-04:00

In the wee hours of the morning, with nothing much else to do, I decided to put to use the new nav bar at the top of the screen and view some blogs at random.

Some of the best titled blogs EVER.

Freshly Squeezed Brain Juice
Anonymoose
The World is full of Pisswits
Idiotic Human! die Die DIE!
Bloggy
Subtle Vinegar
low flying monkeys

Other than the titles, they're mostly generic blogs. Nothing much of interest. You know, like this one.

Except, that is, for The World is full of Pisswits. She get's major points for writing this entry alone. Why the hell didn't Spike get a spinoff? And why did I not think of that myself, like 3 years ago? This woman is obviously a genious. Her review of Scooby Doo is also brilliant. I fear if I read anymore I may have to tell her I love her.

Another cool blog to read through is The Captain's Blog. Why? Well, for one, it's advertised as being "The daily life of two dirty pirates.", which is reason enough all on it's own. But it's also written by two of the funniest 17 year old girls I think I've ever come across. One things for sure, they've got sarcasm in spades. I like them already.

Then there are these, which really, I just don't understand.

Grandpa's Slice of Chaos... Uncensored!!! Habitat for Inhumanity
It's mostly the name. I mean, okay, why grandpa? Is it a nickname thing or an actual grandpa? And why only a slice, I mean, grandpa must have been around for a while, shouldn't he have gotten his hands on more than just a slice of chaos by now? Shouldn't he have a whole chaos pie? Or has he not lived up to his full potential? Hrm. . . maybe he's a modest grandpa and is satisfied with just the one slice. And is there an actual censored version of this that I can go see, or is that just a generic uncensored thrown in there for hoohas letting me know that gramps is a potty mouth? Either way, he sure does love the 80's and all the big haired cock rock that went along with it. So go grandpa.

Dark Angel
First thought that comes to mind with that title is, honestly, Jessica Alba. But just running right passed that, second would be that this blog must be dark in a very teen gothy kind of way.

No. It's pink. REALLY pink. Like I think she's overdue on her pink tax. Now, nothing wrong with pink, and it's done in a very tasteful way in this case. Thank god, cause if I see one more blog that looks like Strawberry Shortcake had explosive diarrhea all over it, I'm going to have to start killing people...again.

But why pink, with such a very angsty name? Cause for me, pink is a bit anti-angst. Or maybe it's the new angst and I just missed the memo. Meh.

Guy On A Cross
Doesn't actually have any content, but the name cracks me up, and so does the little description. Yes, that's right, I'm laughing at the lords pain. Deal with it.

Tomb Raiders of the Lost Plot

2004-08-15T17:57:00.001-04:00

Long story short:

Archeologist/action star is on the trail of a mythical box that contains the power to destroy everything in it's path, but along the way is thwarted by the Nazis's plan to use the same mythical box for their own selfish needs. . .

. . . oh, wait. That's that other movie.

Ah well, it all sums up to the same idea.

- Indie has the Ark of the Covenant. Lara, Pandora's Box. Both movies took liberties with the stories and consequences of said objects/myths.

- Indie's trying to beat the Nazis to the artifact. Lara, greedy Psycho Businessman (and that guy who played the crazy drug dealer in SLC Punk!).

- Indie has a classic. Lara, celluloid crap.

The majority of the movie is spent trying to gain possession of a golden orb that Lara discovers in the first 20 minutes. Turns out the orb is covered in a code. If decoded, it reveals tones that, when played, turns the seemingly simple orb into Golden Orb: The Imax Experience. Which, in turn, reveals the location of the Cradle of Life, the place in which Pandora's Box is hidden.

Still with me? Good.

Lara's nemesis, the Psycho Business man, wants the box because he deals in the development of bio weapons. He plans to sell the box to other businessmen, or stupid world dignitaries, or something. I don't know. People who have lots of money and have a great need for bio weapondry. For strategic sheep herding purposes*.

This also is grounds for the "Dumbest Evil Plan EVER Devised" award.

He does have the first bit wired mind you; bait clients, hire thugs to find orb, hire scientists to decode orb, find location of box, hire team of thugs to help retrieve box, deliver box to clients, become insanely wealthy. Good show right there.

Only problem is, the box is a crazy mythical plague supposedly capable of wiping out all of mankind. Which, being a man and all, includes him. May be a bit hard to spend all that money when your covered in boils and you can't stop your face from melting off your skull.

Granted, there is a brief mention of "as with all known diseases, there remains a stock pile of anti-serum" hinting that he has the capabilities to develop one for the box o' plague.

Problem with that is, you get anti-serum from research of the disease in question. Are you going to tell me you have the cure to a mythical plague no one has had any exposure to since Pandora's looky-loo days? Yeah, you keep telling yourself that when the back maggots set in.**

Lara also takes on a "partner" of sorts this time around. An ex-boyfriend whom she gets released from prison to help her. All because he has certain knowledge of the enemy forces working for Psycho Businessman.

The whole concept, subplot and reasoning around him is lame, so I'm not going to get into it. All I'm going to say is: Lara, if a hot scottish man is willing to let you have your way with him, for gods sakes, have your way with him.

THEN handcuff him (or keep him handcuffed) to the bed, tell him he's being ditched and leave. Honestly.

Anyhow . . .

I could go on forever about one rediculous plot hole in this movie after another, but I think I'll just end with this:

Movie execs and director; could you make Lara, in any way shape or form, any more unlikeable?

I think she can be best described as Veruca Salt with Indiana Jones's day job. I half expected her to belt out, "But I want a golden orb NOW!" while she was having her hissy fit during the scenes at Croft Manor. Her dialogue and attitude exude this snooty superiority over everyone she meets and everything she does. And it makes her fucking annoying.

But at the end of the day Lara is being played by Angelina Jolie. So if you think Angelina Jolie is hot*** you're probably going to want to see this movie.

Just save yourself the pain and mute it while doing so. Then add your own plot and dialogue based on the pretty pictures. Trust me. You'll be much better off.

Or just watch Raiders of the Lost Ark again. Because, damn, that's a good movie.

* Yes, I ripped on an Eddie Izzard joke, so sue me.†
** Fuck you, Spyder. FUCK YOU!!!
***In other words, you are not vision impaired and you currently possess a pulse.

† If by some bizarre twist of fate Eddie Izzard happens to be reading this, please don't sue me. I have nothing.

Start Early; Brainwash Your Kids Today!

2004-08-13T21:35:00.000-04:00

Okay, Matt over at MacHall posted a link to this.

Scare anyone else? And I would say the same thing if it was Help Mom there are Conservatives Under My Bed. There's just something about convincing your children that people with different viewpoints from you are evil monsters akin to the boogey man or the wicked witch that's kinda weird.

Actually, it's a wee bit fucked if you ask me.

Here's an idea, how about, when the time comes to talk politics with your kids, (most likely long after they've past the reading level of that book) you tell them what you believe, along with the differing viewpoints of the other party and why you don't think their views are the best possible solutions. And then tell them that political discussion is always healthy and encouraged so long as you're respectful of each others opinions, because, who knows, something wacky might happen like the other person has a theory you never thought of before that you might actually agree with.

I mean, any sane person must know that life isn't black and white, and, after all, most people only want the best for them and theres at the end of the day, just like you, regardless of political position.

And then, maybe, when they grow up, they'll be able to FORM THEIR OWN FUCKING OPINIONS and have grown up discussions all on their own!

And maybe, if everyone gets in on this idea, one day we won't have the mud slinging extremist loons that occupy both parties at the moment.

Just a thought.

Meh, nevermind, it'll never happen. Continue with the brainwashing. I'll just keep my naive ideals to myself.

Blog Updates

2004-08-12T00:22:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I finally put up the little avatar DAS MOOFIN made for me. After she whined incessantly that I hadn't done it yet. It is quite spiff. So thankies. Whining and all. :)

I put links to some other blogs and things on the side panel as well, right underneath the recent posts and what not. That'll probably get added to and changed as time goes on.

Other than that. Life was rather boring today, so I type no more.

Ta.

K_T

But Angelina Jolie's Still Hot

2004-08-11T12:01:00.000-04:00

KaoticTendencies (11:02:45 AM): okay, I just watched the first 20 minutes of Tomb Raider 2

KaoticTendencies (11:03:13 AM): that was some of the most illogical shit I've seen in a long time

Camarilla7 (11:03:18 AM): hahahaha

Camarilla7 (11:03:24 AM): next review perhaps?

KaoticTendencies (11:03:27 AM): probably

KaoticTendencies (11:06:22 AM): but seriously, she's in this greek temple that's ended up underwater, and the bad guys show up and fuck up plans, she has no air and has to get to the surface, so she cuts her arm, the blood attracts a shark, which she punches in the nose and then grabs it's fin as it speeds off, conveniantly in the direction of the surface, and then grabs onto a piece of debris, I guess from the ship she was on, I'm assuming bad guys blew it up

KaoticTendencies (11:07:20 AM): and they left awful fast, cause she's now in the middle of nowhere with no one in sight, turns on this little blinky device she has, guess it's suppose to be a distress signal thing, and then a submarine shows up, which is carrying her butler and the techy dude

KaoticTendencies (11:07:32 AM): that's the opening scene pretty much

Camarilla7 (11:07:41 AM): hahaha

Camarilla7 (11:07:49 AM): dude, that's totally feasible

Counting Sheep is for Losers

2004-08-10T16:03:00.000-04:00

I can't seem to sleep properly, EVER. I have the worst sleep pattern in the histroy of mankind.

Okay, maybe it's not that bad, but it still sucks. I either get not enough or wayyyy too much. Argh.

Um, had a meeting last night with Kathy and Edwin about the website me and Kat are designing for them. This thing is going to take forever. Edwin is one of those, I can't make up my mind and I procrastinate like a mofo.

That, and his sense of design is somewhat lacking. Great guy mind you, but . . . yeah.

Anyhow.

Oh, Spyder made an avatar for me. She's the bestest. Once I resize it, it'll be up there.

Blah, k, I guess that's it for now.

Later kids.

Freddy + Jason = Best Friends 4Evah

2004-08-09T08:44:00.000-04:00

Freddy Vs Jason.

It was on Starz, I was bored, end of story.

The basic plot of the movie, for those of you not in the know:

Freddy has been trapped in hell unable to terrorize the kiddies. This is because Freddy has the same life insurance plan as Tinkerbell, and requires peoples belief in order to survive (Think less clapping, more screaming.) So he's been poking around, trying to find a way to launch his come back tour. Somehow he comes across Jason, who has been a lazy serial killer and napping since his last movie. Freddy convinces Jason, via the old "Hey, I'm your mom! Do what I say!" scam, to go to Elm Street and start hacking up some teenagers. The logic being that they will think it's Freddy, start being scared of him again, thus bringing him back. This works like a charm, but Jason, being the little energizer bunny of death he is, won't stop killing off Freddy's "kids". Freddy gets all pissed at Jason, and they have a smackdown. Hence the title of the movie.

Oh, and there's this bizarre insane asylum/experimental drug/dad killed my mom sub plot they tried throwing in there. I'm not even going to go into that because, quite frankly, I still don't really understand it's purpose.

The cast of "teenagers" in this movie are the standard no names trying to break into the industry. Save the one that's played by that chick from Destiny's Child. And they're all uber annoying.

Seriously.

By the end of the scene they're introduced in, you start praying Jason or Freddy will hurry the fuck up and start slaughtering already.

The people of the town aren't very bright either. I mean, Jason's lumbering around, all oogie like in the hockey mask, with a big ass knife, and no one sees him and makes the connection?

"Marge, you don't think that large dirty man with the big knife and hockey mask we saw shuffling around last night had anything to do with those murders?"

"No, of course not! Any murders around here are obviously commited by that Freddy fellow. Everyone knows that"

"Whose that then?"

"YOU know. The one we lit on fire and killed only to come back in his first movie plus multiple sequels to exact revenge through killing all our horny teenagers? Sucked Johnny Depp into a bed?"

"Ah, right, THAT Freddy. Nevermind."

But then, I suppose that's horror flicks for you. Please check all logic at the door.

The big final fight between Freddy and Jason (which takes place at Crystal Lake, which is apparently a conveniant hour drive from Elm St.) pretty much plays out like this:

Freddy: "I want to kill the kids!" *stab, punch*

Jason:"Urrrrrgh!" *smack, slash*

Freddy: "NO! I want to kill the kids" *slash, stab, dismembers*

Jason:"Arrrrrggh!" *bleeds, stabs, gashes*

Audience: SOMEONE please kill the kids!

Kids: *have lame dialogue, are annoying*

This is where, using the convientantly placed gas pump and stack of tanks filled with highly explosive something (propane?), blow up Freddy and Jason. Of course, Freddy comes back.

Audience: Oh no! Jasons dead! Well, at least we still have Freddy.

Freddy: Now to kill the kids!

Audience: Our hero!

Jason leaps out of the water, impales Freddy with his own glove of pointy bits and Jason sinks back into the water. Annoying kids cut Freddy's head off with Jasons knife, which, though having the appearance of a rusty piece of crap can slice through human bone like buttah, even when weilded by a tiny blonde chick.

Audience: Crap.

So in the end, two of the kids survive, and Freddy and Jason off each other. Except, we all know that they can't actually die, so the final shot is Jason shuffling out of the lake, holding Freddy's head which promptly smiles at the camera. Oh the cheese!

Because if they did die the movie industry wouldn't be able to cash in on the profitable sequel where Freddy and Jason team up and drive cross country Thelma and Louise style.

Oh yeah, and I know Jason doesn't use a big knife, it's one of those sword thingies people use in jungles to hack away the brush, but fuck if I can remember what they're called.

Shadow Man Can

2004-08-08T02:45:00.000-04:00

Fun day. Not exceptionally eventful, but I was out of the house, and with my girls, and that's always kick ass.

So, Prissy picked me up about 3. Kat had charity stuff to do in the afternoon, and then she was going to a party for her cousin who is leaving for school in New Mexico. So me and Prissy headed to the standard, D&D (dunkindonuts) for some coffee.

Then we did a lot of driving to nowhere. Prissy wanted to go to this head shop in Naugatuck she hasn't been to in forever. Apparently they have a bunch of cool hippy music shop stuff and we have nothing else to do except kill time so we make the drive.

We finally get there, and it's not a head shop anymore. It's an all salsa store.

Not like, salsa the music, like salsa salsa. For chips and shit. That was highly amusing. For me at least. Prissy is going to be angered by the thought of salsa for a while.

Then we went to Best Buy (after about an hour of aimless driving). I was thinking about getting Buffalo Soldiers if they had it. I was guessing because of it's flop release wise, the DVD was probably not going to be much more than $10, that being the usual standard for a single DVD with no extras and that limited of an theater release. Boy was I wrong. $22.99. No shit. I could have gotten fucking X2 for half that. I was AMAZED. So needless to say, it was not bought. I liked the movie, but not that much.

Prissy got Vol. 1 of Aqua Team Hunger Force and, I kid you not, the 90's remake of My Boyfriends Back. You know, the flick about the girl whose boyfriend dies and then comes back from the dead? Yeah, that one. I don't know what possesses that girl sometimes. She's just a mystery.

After that we grabbed a bite to eat and got a hold of Kat. She was still at her cousins party, and said we should meet up and head over there. Free food and alcohol.

We didn't need much persuation after that.

Kat's family was really nice. I've always like her mom and dad, and though I didn't get to talk to her cousin Heather much, her cousin Brian was really nice. Had a really brief discussion about photography, which was cool.

Funniest thing of the whole evening (other than our drunken shenanigans, which I'm not even going to get into) was when we were driving over. It's dark at this point, and we had met up at Kat's house and switched to her car. So it's Kat driving, me in the passenger seat and Prissy in the back. We're driving along, just talking, and all of a sudden Kat fucken screams. Like a serious loud shriek. Scared the hell out of me, so I kinda screamed too, just from shock, meanwhile balls 'o steel Prissy just says, "What?"

Apparently Kat thought she saw some guy in the woods running out to the car. It was just the shadows playing tricks on her, but that was seriously some funny shit.

You probably had to be there.

Oh and I learned about this today. I so have to go there. Like now. Never even heard about it until Prissy pointed out the big ass cross on the hill in Waterbury while we were driving on the highway back to Bristol. Apparently the Daily Show even did a bit on it a while back.

Connecticut is really weird.

Oh. My. GOD.

2004-08-06T17:24:00.000-04:00

I can't take my sister much longer. Ugh. She's been uber difficult lately. And it's driving me insane.

She goes through periods where she's behaving wonderfully. But lately, she seems to not be happy with anything and proceeds to whine at me about it.

Today for example. First she says she's thirsty. She wants soda. I give her a juice, because she can only have soda with dinner. She knows this. We've discussed it several times. 10 minutes later. I get "I don't want juice. I'm not thirsty I'm hungry."

Then why in the hell did I get a wake up call (I was napping) of, "Kathy! Kathy! I'm thirsty!! I want soda!!"?? Oi.

Ayhow, she's had lunch, and dinners not til a few hours. So I tell her she has to wait for dinner. This brings on a temper tantrum. I'm so not in the mood for temper tantrums, so I say, fine, I'll give you some chips to snack on until dinner.

Then, 10 minutes later, crying because the "Chips make my teeth hurt."

Well, at least that's a new one.

How many more weeks til school?

About the "Village" post.

2004-08-05T07:14:00.000-04:00

Okay, it's a bit of a rant, and it's fairly harsh, because I was really looking forward to the flick, and was EXTREMELY let down by it. And that just sucks.

But, I know M. Night wasn't out to make a sucky movie, and not everyone thought it was a sucky movie.

And when his next suspense movie is released, odds are I will run to go see it.

(Well, unless it's "The Village 2")

But until then, in my mind, he is a poo head.

A Trip to "The Village"

2004-08-05T06:20:00.000-04:00

WARNING: Spoilers are going to abound in this post, so if you want to see this movie, and not have the "surprise" ending revealed, you should probably leave now .

The Village, for those of you currently living under a rock, is M. Night Shyamalan's latest movie. It's wide release was Friday and my dear friend Kat and I, amidst a large crowd average age of 15 (eck), attended a late viewing at our local uberplex.

After getting over the initial shock of feeling old at the respective ages of 20 (myself) and 22 (Miss Kat), we settled into our seats, all a flutter with anticipation of the artful thriller M. Night had created for us to enjoy.

What we got was an intense desire to find Mr. Shyamalan and demand our money back, lest he be subjected to bodily harm.

Granted, I had my expectations fairly high for this. I'm a pretty solid Shyamalan fan. I've seen and enjoyed most of his previous major endeavors save Unbreakable, which I have not seen and heard "eh" things about. Though, many people said the same of Signs and I thoroughly enjoyed that, plot holes and all. The cast was also very much to my liking. Joaquin Phoenix, Adrien Brody, Sigourney Weaver, all very good. To top it all off, the trailer was mighty intriguing. It looked, sounded, and felt like a great flick.

So when I ended up with an eye-full of crap, I was a wee bit upset.

But I mean COME ON!!! You had all the right ingredients man!! You wrote The Sixth Sense !!! HOW COULD YOU FUCK THIS UP?!! WHY DO YOU HATE ME?!!?!

Anyhoo . . .

It started out well. All the standard Shyamalan elements were present. Visually beautiful yet simple scenes; slow, deliberate pacing; hints of the intense, omgwhatthefuckisgoingon events to come; and . . . well, okay, no creepy kids this time. Instead you get a mentally handicapped Adrien Brody. But close enough.

The majority of the movie takes place in a tiny little village, set in late 1800's America. The opening has scenes with average village-y things going on, with little hints that something isn't quite right. Small livestock are found dead and skinned, people hide "the bad color" (or "red") whenever they find it present, and there's a funeral for a young child. And you get the clear point that the woods are a no no, because if you go in there the creatures will eat your face. Or something.

So anyhow, amidst all the hub bub about not going into the woods for fear of pissing off the creatures, you find out some key things about the village itself. It is run by a bunch of "Elders" two of which are Sigourney, who is Joaquins mum and possessor of the villages locked box o' secrets, and Head Elder Daddy William Hurt who is father to the Sassy Blind Chick played by a new actress whose name I don't feel like looking up.

Joaquin keeps trying to convince the elders to let him go into the woods to get to the towns and bring back medicine, which is another point that gets driven home.

No medicine. Nada. None whatsoever. So bitch don't even THINK about getting a cold.

He does his speech in this "I act shy and scared but am really the bravest fucker in this whole measley village" way. Elders say no, because they don't want faces eaten by said creatures. Elders are either very smart or big fat wussy heads.

Moving right along, the all important love triangle is introduced. Sassy Blind Chick is in love with Joaquin and knows he's in love with her. Joaquin is in fact in love with her, but keeping with the theme of "shy wussy boy", he keeps it to himself. Finally, we have Handicapable Adrien Brody, whom Sassy Blind Chick has been a sort of mentor/best friend to. So obviously Handicapable Adrien Brody has feelings for Sassy Blind Chick.

Then for some reason Joaquin gets the urge to walk past the boundry while he is on all important post painting duty and a creature sees him. Fortunately, it does not eat his face. (Ladies in audience, general sigh of relief)

Cut to that night. Warning bell goes off from the tower on the boundry and all hell breaks loose. You see a flash of a creature, and there are a few good jumpoutofyourseat moments.

Then M. Night goes and starts fucking up the movie and SHOWS YOU THE ENTIRE CREATURE. Which, for the record, looks like a giant hedgehog walking upright in a red cloak.

Seriously. If you thought the aliens in Signs were lame, you'll barely be able to contain yourself when you see the Doom "I'm Obviously Some Dude in a Silly Costume" Hedgehogs.

WOOOOOO FEAR THE HEDGEHOGS!! DOOM HEDGEHOGS!!! Hedgehogs of DOOOOOOOM!!!!

Granted, I'm pretty sure any intelligent person has figured out that the creature thing is most likely a farce before this scene, but seeing the Hedgehogs O' Doom completely removes all doubt.

Now that the audience knows someone is playing one hell of an April Fools joke on the villagers (and it's most likely the Village Elders), best to move the love story along, no?

The night after the Invasion of the Doom Hedgehogs, Joaquin finally grows a pair and he and the Sassy Blind Chick make plans to get hitched.

This makes Adrien Brody a saaaad panda.

The next day, Handicapable Adrien Brody stabs Joaquin for stealing his woman.

Now the big conflict arises. Sassy Blind Chick, who affirms that shecannotlivewithoutJoaquin, pleads with Head Elder Daddy Hurt, that she has to go into the woods and reach the towns in order to get the much needed medicine to help heal Joaquin. (The town Dr. informs us that the bleeding has stopped but there is an infection).

Things begin to unfold, and long story short, it's revealed that the Elders have been the Doom Hedgehogs all along (Suprise!).

Daddy Hurt tells this long story about how Sassy Blind Chicks grandfather was insanely wealthy, and he didn't judge people and only saw the kindness in them, and how someone took advantage of that trust and grandpa done got shot in the head.

Basically, all the elders think that they can protect themselves from the bad naughty things in the world by making everyone stay in the village. Apparently never having taken any sort of human psychology/behavior course which would make them realize that that is a crap theory. But whatever.

Cut to montage of important plot points.

We see Sassy Blind Chick with two escorts, both of whom, you guessed it, wuss out on her. So now the Sassy BLIND Chick is alone, traveling through woods she's never been in, by herself, with a little list of the medicines she has to bring back. And she's navigating via the sounds of the river her father told her to follow. This plan is obviously foolproof!

Meanwhile, back in the Village of Perpetual Liars, we see the Elders of Perpetual Idiocy discuss the fact that Head Elder Daddy Hurt let Sassy Blind Chick in on the big secret. So naturally, they're freaking out.

Head Elder Daddy Hurt gets on a soap box with, "we couldn't keep it going forever, blah, blah, blah, lost innocence, blah, blah, protecting that innocence blah, blah, Head Elder Daddy Hurt for your Oscar Consideration, blah, blah."

There are flashbacks back to the previous hour of Head Elder Daddy Hurt explaining things further to Sassy Blind Chick.

And present moment Sassy Blind Chick is still wandering around the woods. Alone. Still blind. In the woods she's never been in before. Blind. And alone. Okay, you get the point.

So ends the montage of important plot points.

Sassy Blind Chick starts hearing something following her. There's a spooky voiceover of Head Elder Daddy Hurt telling her that they took the idea of the creatures from actual stories about the woods.

And a creature shows up! Granted, it's still a Doom Hedgehog, but you're *almost* buying that it could be a real creature, and that M. Night just has a really crappy idea of what spooky face eating creatures living in the woods should look like.

Sassy Blind Chick of course does the logical thing and runs away, and there's a scary *oogie oogie* chase through the woods. Through a rediculously lucky series of events, she manages to kill the Doom Hedgehog.

Let's hear it for the Sassy Blind Chick!

But wait, back in the village it turns out that Handicapable Adrien Brody has broken out of the room they locked him in since the stabbing!

AND has convienantly found the Doom Hedgehog costume that the Elders of Perpetual Idiocy have hidden in the same room!

He's also apparently very stealthy as he made it out of the village in a giant Doom Hedgehog costume without anyone seeing him! Good show!

So Sassy Blind Chick has effectively killed Handicapable Adrien Brody.

Oops.

Anyway, on to Shyamalan's BIG reveal!

Sassy Blind Chick finally makes it to the end of the road and is met with...wait...is that a chain linked fence covered in vines??? Noooo, couldn't be, there's no chained linked fences in the late 1800's!

In The Village of Perpetual Lies the Elders of Perpetual Idiocy are opening one of their Locked Boxes of Super Secrets. Which contain newsclippings and pictures.

One is of the elders, standing in front of a CAR.

Oh, and one of the news clippings is a headline about how Head Elder Daddy Hurt's father was actually a billionaire. In case the whole wealthy thing didn't sink in with the long "My daddy got shot in the head" story.

Cut to...

Sassy Blind Chick, after scaling the now obvious chained link fence, hit's nothing but a paved road in the middle of Nowheresville on the other side. Luckily, an Incredibly Gullible Nature Reserve Security Guy happens to be driving by!

Okay, so, we now know that these people are living in present day, that the Elders of Perpetual Idiocy are REALLY good liars and that they're actually living on a nature reserve. Through sly placement of the name of the nature reserve we find out it was created with Head Elder Daddy Hurt's pappy's moolah. Wooboy!

Now, Incredibly Gullible Nature Reserve Security Guy is faced with a dilema.

Here's this Sassy Blind Chick, whose just come over a fence from someplace NO ONE is suppose to be. She's dressed up all pioneer times reenactment enthusiast-y and is completely filthy. And she keeps going on about how someones hurt and is trying to hand you her shopping list o' narcotics.

What to do, what to do.

Well, most likely, if you were a person in this situation you would firstly call an ambulance. For this chick clearly needs some medical attention because she appears to be a bit banged up, filthy and INSANE.

THEN you would call your superiors and try to straighten out who and where this injured person she keeps babbling on about is, get them out of the nature reserve and into medical care. That's what you would do.

Unless you're Incredibly Gullible Security Guy.

In that case, you take the Obviously Insane Sassy Blind Chicks word for it, run to the nearest security post and grab the medical supplies on the list she gave you. All of which the security post conveniently carries. And without letting your superior see you do it.

But your superior is being played by the guy who wrote the movie, so he knows you did it anyhow. And while you're there he's good enough to tell you a little story about the air space above the reserve being restricted years ago to help fill in any plot holes.

Oh, and you bring back a ladder to help her shimmy back over the fence you're suppose to be gaurding.

Then you sit in your patrol vehicle and stare in disbelief at how completely stupid and unlikely that entire scenerio was, and wonder what your superior has been smoking.

Now that the movie has passed through the realm of no logic, we get to the final scene.

All the Elders of Perpetual Idiocy are sitting in the room where Joaquin is sleeping. One of the villagers comes by and lets them know that Sassy Blind Chick has returned and has the medicine. He also tells them that she ran into one of the Doom Hedgehogs on the way and killed it. Of course the Elders of Perpetual Idiocy know that it was really Handicapable Adrien Brody and his mother bursts into tears.

Here's the second part of the movie that just sucked it. The Elders of Perpetual Idiocy realize that Sassy Blind Chick has no idea that it's modern times because she couldn't see anything while she was over the fence, and that she also now thinks that the creatures are real because she believes to have been attacked by and killed one of them. So the decision comes, do we keep telling the lie? And they all agree, yes.

The End.

Okay, I'm sorry, but that ending is just lame. Didn't we just see a few scenes ago the Elders of Perpetual Idiocy come to the realization that they can't do this forever?? And isn't the whole stabbing of Joaquin and death of Handicapable Adrien Brody proof that locking yourself away from the larger world doesn't make the naughty bad things go away??

But no, forget all that. We'll just pretend this never happened and keep up the charade. As though nothing of value was really learned in the subsequent 2 hours of this craptastic movie. Yeah, that's a good way to end this. For we truly are the Elders of Perpetual Idiocy.

And M. Night is smoking some good shit.

Night of 1000 Movies

2004-08-04T19:58:00.000-04:00

Okay, so it was more like "sort of 3 movies, but I really only watched bits of 2 of them", but I think you would all agree, that's a far less impressive title.

First, I thought it would be fun to see if I could sit through the Bennifer atrocity that is Gigli (it has been playing on Starz). It's sort of like seeing how many of your toenails you can pull out with plyers before you pass out. Only not as much fun.

I had watched the first 20 minutes a couple of nights ago before I pulled the plug. This time around I managed to watch another 30 or so of the middle bits. They were leagues worse than the first 20 minutes.

Oh, the synopsis of the film is basically; Affleck works for Whiney Mafia Guy, but Affleck has too much of a heart and keeps fucking up his jobs, so when Whiney Mafia Guy has a job for him to kidnap a Retarded Kid (actually, he was more like a Retarded Young Adult) and hold him as a hostage for ransom for reasons I still do not know, he also hires J-Lo to keep an eye on Affleck for fear of Affleck fucking up this major job. Of course Affleck immediately falls for the hypnotic powers of J-Lo's ass, but she proceeds to be condescending snarky biznatch. Awkward and poorly written dialogue ensues. Oh, and J-Lo is supposed to be a lesbian. Yeah...right...good casting call there.

Anyhow, overall this is probably some of the worst dialogue in the history of movies. From the synop, I'm sure you can surmise the lame ass plot on your own.

But the most heinous bit of the movie is probably the Bennifer love scene. Apparently, J-Lo has developed a case of homo-nesiea and has completely forgotten she is a lesbian, but then again Affleck has a history of this. Anyhoo, J-Lo proceeds to seduce Affleck, who is still under ass hypnosis and so holds no objections.

J-Lo then lays back on the bed, like you do in mid-seduction and says, "It's turkey time."

Hand to god, that was the EXACT line.

And then, after a confused Affleck hasn't caught the clue, she spreads her legs slightly and says "Gobble, gobble."

Whoever wrote this movie should be removed from society and placed on a remote island. Filled with rabid turkeys. J-Lo should go too. Affleck can stay, because Kevin Smith still likes him.

Needless to say after that wonderful exchange, I put a bullet through the TV to put it out of it's misery. So don't ask me how it ends. I don't want to know. Unless it somehow involves rabid turkeys.

The one movie I did watch from start to finish was a Joaquin Phoenix flick called Buffalo Soldiers. Cute flick, nothing to scream about mind you, Joaq has definately done better, but definately entertaining.

It's a army-in-peace-time movie, taking place in West Germany during the 80's right before the wall came down (I'm fairly certain at least). Anyhoo, Joaq is this smart ass con guy playing the black market in Germany who pretty much gets his neck in too deep. Pretty funny script, and apparently based on true events. There's also a love story between Joaq and Anna Paquin, who plays Joaq's nemesis Srgt.'s daughter.

So yeah, good times with that one.

Finally, I saw the latter half of The Pianist. Not much to say about this. It's a really great flick, but it's also a Holocaust movie, which, to be honest, all start feeling like the same big epic movie after a while. And nothing can quite top Schindler's List for me. But still, excellent movie.

Crossed Over to the Blog Side

2004-08-03T06:37:00.000-04:00

So, I decided to finally join my legion of friends who live in blog land. Hurrah!!

I tried doing the online journal thing once via livejournal, and failed miserably. But I figure, might as well give it another go, I've got nothing else to do at the moment. (Out of school and unemployed! How cool am I?!)

So . . . yeah . . . that brings me here. That's all I'm going to say for now.

Ta.